As we learn to respect and trust children, they learn to be respectful and trustworthy. Rather than externally enforce discipline by strictly controlling a child and demanding blind conformity, we cultivate internal discipline, which is infinitely more valuable. Intelligent cooperation is fostered as children practice speaking intelligently, moving gracefully, and choosing wisely. In this type of environment it is critical to have a sensitive teacher present and "in the moment" to observe and guide the children with patient, firm wisdom. Our children practice wielding the powers of freedom within the parameters common sense dictates. Some individuals thrive with minimal guidance; others require more structure. Actions have consequences - intelligent choices expand freedoms, poor choices limit them.
Many problems can be avoided by an observant teacher who redirects a child in a positive manner before something happens. When things do happen, it’s all too easy to sum up a situation in a glance and proceed to use one’s authority as a teacher, but many great learning opportunities are lost by quick reactions. We take the time to see what’s really going on. Sometimes adults misread a child’s actions. Sometimes a child’s harsh word or deed is the tip of an emotional iceberg that can be gently explored. Sometimes children have completely different perspectives on an incident, all valid. It’s enlightening to try to “see” from another’s perspective, but this often requires a teacher gently guiding a discussion. We speak to children about their feelings and plant seeds of awareness about how our words and actions affect others. Prime opportunities to teach living, spiritual principles like this arise spontaneously, especially when the entire day is not artificially scripted for the children. This can demand time a teacher had planned to spend another way ("The Magna Carta was signed July …") but it yields a fruitful harvest in the human spirit. When an emotional squall blows through, we spend the time to try untangling hurt feelings, and, after digesting the therapeutic fodder such impromptu dialogues offer, dwell again on the lessons gleaned.
Children rarely have any real practice at conflict prevention and resolution in most schools, so they instinctively resort to "skills" learned on the playground to "solve" problems. Conflict prevention and resolution are daily staples at Crossroads. They are the lifeblood of healthy, productive social and business relationships, and poor skills in these areas are the source of many an adult's problems. We monitor social interactions for opportunities to help students learn our guidelines: Respect each other; try to talk things out before they develop into larger problems; try to be patient, kind, and forgiving, yet firm, when resolving the inevitable conflicts of life; ask for help if talking isn’t working, and; if you push someone else too far, accept the fact that they will often fall short of our lofty goals and respond to you with less than saintly patience.